Generation Z

I grew up in, what is known as, ‘Generation Y’. Generation Y has also been referred to as the Peter Pan Generation, and the ME Generation. It has been referred to as the Peter Pan Generation because so many people that belong to this group do not want to ‘grow up’. The Peter Pan Generation does not want to make the transition into adulthood. This transition usually includes picking a spouse and deciding on a career. Generation Y has also been known as the ME Generation because they think about themselves first. The ME Generation is out to find what is best for themselves and are very much consumer driven.

Youth today are a part of what is called ‘Generation Z’; also known as the Dreamer Generation. Generation Z is commonly very quiet and independent. This ‘Silent Generation’ is primarily quiet and independent because of media, and the current technology. The other primary characteristic of this age group is its complete rejection of the consumerism that once plagued the previous generation.

The youth of today no longer want to take, no longer want to consume, and no longer want to put themselves first. Generation Z wants to do something meaningful for their world, and they want to develop a life with purpose. Generation Z is very interested and open with discussions about faith, and spirituality because they want to be part of a mission bigger than their own lives. Those who affiliate with Generation Z may be predominantly quiet, however they are not predominantly passive.

Generation Z is also called the Dreamer Generation for two reasons. The first reason is that because they are so silent and independent it gives them more time to dream and think. The second reason is because they are, as a group, more intelligent than Generation Y, and usually have bigger and better ideas. Generation Z is more intelligent and more self-sacrificing than generations past, and they have a desire to be more active as well. The one thing they are lacking is guidance and direction.

The youth of today want to do something. The thing holding them back is they do not always know what that something is, or they do not know how to get started. We need to be intentional about giving students the time and space to get involved and to make a difference. This would involve asking them to join us when we serve our church, community, and world. We need to give youth the opportunity to dream and think in a big, life changing way. We need to listen to the vast, colossal, outrageous ideas youth have and give them a platform to make something happen. Lets give Generation Z the tools they need to change this world.

Busy Teens

Our culture rewards busyness. Working long hours results in more money, studying all night results in better grades, doing as many extra curricular activities as possible results in being well-rounded. It does not matter if you are 15 or 55, it seems like people are always on the move and are always busy. Whether it be sports, dance, cheerleading or bible studies, as soon as school concludes teenagers have a place to be and another activity to participate in.

The problem with packing our lives with as many things as we can is that more often than not, our church commitments become less of a priority and slowly neglected from our routine. This is very true when talking about the teen generation. Parents invest in having their kids involved with sports or dance classes and things like this get prioritized before church youth groups or bible studies.

Parents need to encourage students to have more of a balance in their lives. Students need to be supported to be actively involved in their church and youth ministry programs. I am not suggesting that youth group and bible studies should always come before the other responsibilities teens have in their life. However, as much as your teen is attending activities after school, there should be time for them to do church stuff first.

The bottom line is parents more often than not; know what is best for their son or daughter. I want to encourage you as a parent to look objectively at your son or daughters life and think about whether or not they are truly getting a good balance of activities in their life. Do sports or dance classes take precedence over youth group and bible studies, or do you give your teenager a good diet of activities to explore and grow in their faith? Take time to understand the needs of your teenager, and together make decisions on how they prioritize their responsibilities and activities.

Parental Pastors

More and more I am having conversations with Youth Pastors who are being met by parents. They think that it is the job of the local church youth ministry to provide all of the spiritual direction their daughter or son needs. Many parents are stepping back from giving their teenager the spiritual teaching that they need and are then assuming their church’s youth ministry will pick up their slack.

Most families are not providing enough spiritual guidance for their teenagers. Youth Leaders are now engaging with students whose spiritual growth is stunted by the lack of instruction taking place at home. As a result of this, many ‘church kids’ are putting on the Christian façade at youth group, but are living a different lifestyle the rest of the week. When there is too much reliance on the church to take care of the spiritual development of a student, the student will have difficulty living in relationship with Jesus Christ.

There is no guarantee that a parent can lead their daughter or son to Jesus Christ, nor can they provide salvation for their teenager. However they can give them a time and space to explore Christianity. Parents need to be an example of what it means to be Christ-like but also provide teaching and spiritual guidance to their children. When your children are young, read children’s devotions with them before bed and pray with them. Pray before meals together as a family. Read the bible together. Ask your children how their personal bible reading time is going, and what they are learning. Share with your teenager what you are learning in your devotional time with God.

Continue to live an active faith, and allow your children to see that. Do not allow things like prayer, bible reading, and devotionals to become taboo in your home. Be open about your faith with your family, and ask questions to your teenagers. Take advantage of the church leadership, and ask them to assist you so you can guide your youth. Lastly, be a positive example for your children to follow, and continue to discuss issues of faith with your kids.

 

A Life For Christ

Last week I was asked a question that I have encountered frequently as a youth worker; “My daughter/son has no interest in faith or God. How do I get them to start attending church with me?” This is one of the most common questions I have wrestled to answer as a concerned youth ministry leader. I won’t be arrogant and say I have ‘the’ answer but I want to share with you what I have discovered as well as provide some encouragement to you as a parent.

I have come to realize, with my many conversations with teens, as well as the many testimonies I have read, is that the reason many youth (from Christian homes) choose to not follow Christ is because of the false image of Christianity they have witnessed. What I mean by this is; some teens don’t choose to follow Christ because they don’t have someone in their life exemplifying what they think a Christian lifestyle should look like.  Now this is not always the case, but it is one of the leading testimonies. The other dominating reason why I don’t see teens pursing a relationship with Jesus Christ is because some teens feel that their parents are forcing Christianity on them. Youth want to make choices for themselves, especially important decisions.

What does this mean to you as a parent? It is important for you to focus on your personal walk with Jesus Christ, and to be actively pursuing a life of intimacy with our Heavenly Father. If you do this, and if you allow God’s will to be your focal point than your way of life will be an example for your teenagers to follow, as well as an example to help them understand Christianity. Lastly, pray. Pray daily for your children, pray that they encounter God, pray that they meet with Jesus Christ, pray for their spiritual life, and pray for the ministry leaders and people in their life that will influence who they become.

We have all been saved by grace, and grace alone. As a parent, you cannot save your child; only God can provide salvation. I encourage you to live the way Jesus Christ has instructed us to live, and to be an example to your children. Avoid the hypocrisy that may hinder your teenagers from really seeing the awesomeness and beauty of a life with Jesus Christ.

Jellybeans

One of the best youth nights that I have ever experienced as a youth leader involved a series of events that wasn’t planned by either myself or the other youth leaders. It was just like any other typical youth night. We played icebreaker games.  Then played a larger, more high-energy type game. This was followed by the usual 15-minute devotional led by either one of the other leaders or myself. Lastly we enjoyed a snack as we waited for parents to arrive. However, this night didn’t end the way most nights ended.

On this night, some of the students in the youth group found their way into my office and started rummaging through the various items located on the bookshelves. I should back up for a second. ‘My office’ wasn’t much of an office really. I was currently the intern, working at the church I grew up in, still trying to get my feet under me after recently realizing God’s call for my life. There was a tiny spare office at the church, which was being used as a storage room and I had dreamed that it would be mine one day. I asked my pastor if I could use it, and wanting to invest in me as a leader, she generously let me move in. It had an old computer, and an old broken desk chair, a large bookcase full of odds and ends, and it was all mine (except for all those times that someone else needed to use it!)

So on this night the youth were going through all the treasures and trinkets that people had kindly left behind. One of the items that they took particular interest in was a brown cardboard box, full of jellybeans. Not just jellybeans, but stale, rock solid jellybeans. Once these students realized that the jellybeans were no good for eating and were far better for throwing, all mayhem broke loose. Jellybeans started to fly everywhere. As a youth leader, one of the hardest things I have had to do is split a large pack of clique teens into small groups, yet on this night, somehow, everyone instinctively divided EVENLY into two different armies.

Quickly this became a game of survival as opposed to a game of fun. The jellybeans were so hard that if they hit a hard surface they would break in half, and if they hit your skin you would instantly receive a red welt. The jellybeans flew back and forth across our church library until they were all broken into too many pieces to throw. Once all parties agreed upon the ceasefire, one by one the students slowly came crawling out of their ‘foxholes’ and began cleaning up the candy destruction.

It was during this time that one of the students started to ask the group and myself some questions about life, which was deeper than anything I had ever heard them ask or say before. The thing was, everything that was ever discussed with this group of brilliant young teens was always a surface type issue. These students were really smart, but it always seemed to be difficult to have meaningful discussions. I never really understood if this was because they had no desire to go deep, or because of my leading. On this night things were different. On this night the students engaged with me in a way they never had before.

I won’t lie and say ‘from this night on everything was amazing’, however from this night on,  I started to have more and more exciting discussions with these individuals that actually went somewhere meaningful. It seemed like this one event sparked something.

It has been a few years now since this youth night and I think I’m starting to figure out what changed then; shared experience. I had a shared experience with those teens that I had never had before. I was their new leader and I hadn’t given them or myself time to become friends and build trust. It was through this jellybean battle that I gained trust from them and started to build community. I know now that I had to be giving of my time to show the youth around me that I had an interest in who they were, and who they would become.

I have realized that if I want to have an impact on the lives of students, then I need to start by building a community. Discipling youth happens in community, and one of the ways to build community is through shared experience.

How Was Your Day?

Have you ever asked your teenage son or daughter “How was your day?” and got responded to with a mumbled or sometimes harsh “I don’t know” or “okay”. Parents have come to realize these responses as ‘normal’ but have not always understood where they come from, and why they’re unable to get better answers from their kids.

As a young person develops into an adult one of the emotional characteristics they experience is moodiness and mood swings. When youth reach the time of puberty their bodies are hit with a wave of new hormones. Teenagers haven’t developed enough self-awareness and don’t have the thought process to fully understand what is going on inside them. This can be extremely frustrating for anyone having to experience these issues.

Although adolescents can recognize when they are sad, frustrated, angry or happy, they can’t always comprehend why they feel that way. This instigates responses of “I don’t know” when asked how they are because they can’t begin to explain why they feel the way they do. It can be very intimidating for parents when their teenager has emotional swings that seem to be triggered for no apparent reason. Parents can often be the subject of attack when a young person is overly confused or frustrated and experiencing feelings they can’t explain.

Telling your adolescent, who is experiencing an emotional swing, what is going on and how they’re acting won’t help them cope with the issues and can cause more problems. As parents you need to be patient, don’t give up, and remember to show your kids how much you love them, daily. When your child can’t explain how they’re feeling, remember that’s okay. Always leave the door open for your child to come to you and share with you their confusions. It’s together, over the long-term, that you and your teenager will be able to get through these hard, frustrating and confusing years.

Building Trust

The most important relationship that needs trust is the relationships between a parent and their child. However, building trust in any relationship is never as easy as it may appear.  It often seems that youth loose trust from adult figures, before they do anything wrong, based on the reputation of teens in general.

Parents need to do their best to trust their child based on their actions and not on the actions of their peers. Parents should find different ways to provide their child with opportunities to build trust. And if there is ever a time when that trust is broken, by the teen, parents must make it clear that trust can be built again. The best way for a parent to gain trust in their teen is by giving them different responsibilities.

When giving your child responsibility make the expectations very clear. Say things like; “this will affect how much more responsibility I’m going to give you in the future,” or “if you do what I ask this will help me have more confidence to keep trusting you.” Clearly outlining what is expected will make it easy for a teen to want to succeed so that they can gain more freedom.

The most important thing a parent can do to build trust with their child is to share their reasoning behind the decisions they make.  If a parent needs to reject a request from their child they must openly share why they are saying no so that the teen can trust their parent and that decision. Parents and teens need to understand that trust goes both ways, and that trust is most easily built through open and clear communication.

Technology is Taking Over

Have you ever tried to talk to your teenage child, as their face was lit up by the glow of a cell phone or a computer? Everywhere you go you see young people constantly pushing buttons on cell phones, or racing home to play the newest xbox game. As parents, do you ever find it hard to have a conversation while your child is immersed in their phone, TV, or computer? This happens everywhere, and isn’t something that is unique to your teenager, but in fact is a trend that is sweeping across adult generations as well.

Just as often as parents try to engage with their child but are blocked by the barriers of instant messaging, students are being denied attention by work calls, and email agendas. This ‘need’ to be connected electronically is not something that is strictly exclusive to teenagers; it has also infected parents and young adults. I have seen parents’ daily try to connect with their child but are continuously being obstructed by a television or cell phone. And just as frequently as I have seen this I have also heard just as many stories of teenagers trying to discuss something important to their parents but they are being rejected for work on the computer or talking to friends and co-workers on the phone.

This must stop before these devices that we think are connecting us, end up disconnecting us from the people who matter most in our lives. For some people, drastic lifestyle changes need to be made. These changes can start by making family rules, such as no phones at the dinner table (this might even mean that families start eating meals together). Or perhaps it should start by putting limits on how much time is spent playing video games or using the computer (for both teens and parents).

It is important for parents to start making, or start sticking to strict rules on how much both they and their teenagers are being consumed by technology. We need to remember what and who matters most in our lives, and focus our attention and time on those things. In the beginning it might be hard to make this adjustment, but over time, with continued reinforcement of rules, it will become habit to hit the off button.